Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
