Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh god it's open bar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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