honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
smell my finger.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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