Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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