My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize