This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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