You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
