Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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