i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
