i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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