you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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