Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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