i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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