if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize