I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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