But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
