I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
