Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
