All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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