my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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