Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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