i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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