I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
