I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
