oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize