oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
