Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
