I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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