Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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