i think i have two assholes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize