if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
