1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
