What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
