Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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