You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
