and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
