nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
