I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
