just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
