I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
