You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
