either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
