"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What drink are we having for lunch?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
