this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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