Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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