If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
