You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
