Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
