Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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