Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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