Heybabeimwearingurpanties
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
