so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
