Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
