you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
