yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
