Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
