just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
