This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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