Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
