ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
