being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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