So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
