I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
