yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
