I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
