I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
