Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
