i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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