what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize