He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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