"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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