My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
