Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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