Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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