I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
