then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
