I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
