you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
