Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
